She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
