youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
