Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
