today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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