Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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