Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
