the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
