i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
porn star boner night. come get it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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