dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
