He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
