oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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