I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
