I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
