I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
