I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
