Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
