how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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