Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
