dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
