this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
