tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
