I saw his package. It spoke to me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
