I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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