Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
