i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So here I am, sexting at work.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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