Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
