I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
