i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
