btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
