Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
