Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
