come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
