I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My vagina just clenched in fear
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
