whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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