It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
me + whiskey = a bad person
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
