You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
