god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
