He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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