he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Randomize
