ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think I sprained my soul last night
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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