Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
