Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
