I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
