every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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