She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
They took my balls.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
