i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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