made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
