Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
