you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
