Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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