are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
