i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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